Miss. Miller

As I walked through the back hallway into my office building today, a noise sparked a memory of my childhood.

It echoed and became louder as I continued down the hallway. Click, clack, click clack... the sound on my black stilettos heels on the bare concrete floor. Why does this noise spark a memory for me? Well, let me tell you about Miss. Miller.

Miss. Miller was my first grade teacher at Apple Creek Elementary in Moore, Oklahoma. I don't remember kindergarten real well and even second grade is a little fuzzy. But I can remember a lot from first grade. In fact, I bet I can walk into that grade school today and still find my first grade classroom. Miss Miller was everything a first grade teacher should be... kind, compassionate, funny, and eager to teach these little ones something great. And, above all, she was beautiful. At least to me and my little first grader friends she was. We idolized her. I remember her as being very tall, even for a grown up. Her hair was a reddish brown, trimmed to her shoulders and she totally rocked one of those 80s perms with the bangs. Her makeup was always perfect and she dressed like a dream. I always remember her in a dress or a skirt and she ALWAYS had on heels. Looking back, I have no idea how she could stand and teach in those all day long, but she did it! She was a tough cookie! :)

Whenever she would leave our classroom for a little bit, she would always say "I'll be right back, be good and keep working on your assignment." Well, we are first graders, so we really didn't listen. As soon as she was outta the room, we would immediately start talking, joking around and being kids. Then, all of a sudden, someone would say "SSSShhhhh... here she comes." The room would get absolutely quiet and all we could hear from the hallway was "click, clack, click, clack." Her shoes gave her away every time and upon her arrival her sweet first graders were always on their best behavior. :)

Ever since then I have remembered that sound. For me, it symbolized being a woman, growing up, being strong and confident. Many of my teachers after her wore heels and were beautiful, but I always remember Miss Miller. I looked to her and thought "someday I will be a grown up and I will wear heels and look beautiful too."

As I left the click, clack of the hallway and entered the carpeted area to take the elevator to the third floor to my office I smiled and thought of her. I wonder if she would be proud of me today? I wonder if she knows the impact she had on her students, even one as simple as wearing heels? As I stepped off the elevator, I tripped. Well, maybe I will never be as graceful as she was, but gosh do I love a good, strong, powerful pair of heels! :)

Me, Myself and I

ever just wanna get away by yourself for a day?

Well, I did it today! I decided last night I needed a little "getaway for the day" for me. I have been wanting to go north and explore Michigan for a long time and so I just decided to go for it!

I did about 2 minutes worth of google searching and chose Holland, Michigan as my destination, as well as some areas around it too. It about a little under 2 hours away.... not too bad! I can get to the beach in Michigan City, IN in about 45 minutes, but I wanted to see Michigan and the dunes that everyone talks about.

So, I took off with my GPS and a bag with a beach towel, magazine, MP3 player, and camera.

My first destination was on the northside of Holland (which, by the way, Holland itself is a cute town) called Tunnel Park because of the unique tunnel they constructed through a dune to access the beach. I took the stairs all the way up and all the way down the other side of the dune and walked a beach a little. Then took the stairs all the way back up and over before I took the path to the tunnel. It was breathtaking. The dunes were beautiful, the sky was the blue and the water was just like an ocean. It was good to see a lot of people on the beach with their dogs and children. Totally cool!

Then I headed south of Holland to a more secluded dune beach called Laketown Beach. It was nestled back into the dunes on a dead end road. These were big dunes folks and I definitely got my workout on this beach! The climb up the dune and down was exhausting but sooooo worth it. The views from the top were amazing. Walking onto the beach I see two people, a woman down the beach a ways sunbathing and a man throwing a huge stick in the water to his little dog. It was a sight to see! :) Provided me some entertainment. It was in this secluded spot I put down my blanket (which took several tries because it was super windy), took out my MP3 player and my magazine and soaked in every bit of Lake Michigan goodness. All I could hear was the waves, the wind, and Rascal Flatts. It was perfect. Sigh. I walked the beach at Laketown for a little while too. Getting my toes in the water and watching the waves crash. :)

Here are some pics from my adventure!

The tunnel through the sand dunes are Tunnel Park, Holland, Michigan.

Views at Tunnel Park.

The views from above the dunes at Laketown Beach
Climbing the stairs. Not sure how many I climbed today, but I definitely got my workout!

I just couldn't help myself!



Relaxing and listening to music.

Sand between the toes feels good!

Mega Super Duper Update!

it may be a crazy life, but its our life (just had to throw in a Kate Gosselin reference)

Life has been pretty crazy busy in the Birk household this month.

Here is the 411....

• Our house is rented!!!! YAY! Our renters moved in the beginning of August and we are so happy to have them (and their checkbook) in our little home. The neighbor boy (who was a pain when we lived there) has been causing a lot of problems for our renters including ripping our screen door off, demolishing our bushes, walking in the house uninvited, and trying to kick in our doors. It is extremely frustrating and makes us very angry, especially since his mother doesn't seem to care at all. We drafted an official "do not trespass" letter to send to his mother and we will be talking with city officials tomorrow. we hope it doesn't get out of hand, but we plan to take legal action if he continues to vandalize and trespass on the property.
  
• My 10 year high school reunion was AWESOME! I had such a great time seeing all my old classmates and catching up with friends. It was also just nice to take a quick trip back to Kansas.


• Not long after my reunion, I headed to Dallas for work and was there for 3 days. It was a great conference and I even got to see my former co -worker Lisa from Greenbush. It was so nice to come home after all the traveling and get back to normal again, although I still do not think I am caught up on sleep. :)


• The organization I work for is going through some very drastic changes after losing a huge pot of money that was used for tobacco prevention. Several people (about 5-6) lost their jobs. Thankfully, I am not one of them. But it has caused a major shift in power and authority and I am hopeful that it will be for the best. It will be a long and stressful transition though.


• Summer is almost over and I soooooo sad. This summer was really mild up here, which was nice most of the time, but I kinda missed having some smoldering hot days. I really hope old man winter decides to hold off on the lake effect snow for a while. I am NOT ready for that at all.


• This was a great weekend of fun for Jared, Hicks and I. Saturday we decided to have a full day of fun and we went to Hackers (an entertainment center in South Bend) and played arcade games, batting cages and even the driving range. I had never really swung a golf club in my life, but I really enjoyed the driving range. I think I could actually learn to love and play golf, haha. We will see. We also went bowling and rode the indoor go-karts at the bowling alley. Let me just say I came up from behind and passed Hicks on the curve (put his car in the wall) and finished 2nd behind Jared. :) YAY for me! Bowling.... well, I wasn't quite as lucky there. Hicks beat BOTH our butts in bowling.

Here are a few pictures from the past few weeks:

Sherry and I at our 10 year high school reunion. Go Wildcats!

Me and my sister Alicia in Wichita.
Jared and I at the bowling alley

WOW how 10 years flew right by me....

Well, folks.... I am off to my 10 year high school reunion in good ole El Dorado, KS this weekend.

I am super excited and also a little nervous. There are only a handful of people that I have REALLY kept in contact with over the years (I can thank Facebook for bringing me closer to others in my class), so I am a little nervous to see everyone else. I assume these feelings are pretty normal for anyone approaching their 10, 20 or 30 year high school reunion. I think if I had continued to live in El Dorado and kept in touch with everyone, it would be different. But I left El Dorado in 2001 and have never really looked back. My parents moved from there in 2006 and my sister has been gone for many years as well. Really, I have no reason to ever go back to that town. So, I almost feel like a complete visitor in the town I once called home. Pair that with the fact that high school wasn't really the BEST experience for me. You know those people who LIVE for high school and that was the best part of their lives? Well, that was not me. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't horrible at all. It just isn't something I look back on as the "best time in my life". I would say college was probably one of the best times for me so far. I loved college :)

I guess what I am trying to get at is that I feel like a completely different person than I was in high school. I look back at myself and it doesn't even seem like the same person. I have, and probably always will, struggle with confidence. But, I was really self conscious in high school, I cared a little too much what people thought about me and I strived to fit in with the "so called" popular crowd so much that I often got my feelings hurt. Now I look back and laugh at all this. I really don't care at all what anyone thinks of me anymore, I am more confident than I used to be and a popular crowd doesn't really exist in adulthood.

When I graduated I told myself I never wanted to see anyone again and I wanted to get away. Well, 10 years later, I am eager to see everyone again, catch up and just have fun with all my friends, acquaintances and even those people I didn't necessarily like 10 years ago. Forgive and forget right? Let's all have a blast, CLASS OF 1999!!!!

Here are some photos from my high school years:

On the road again....

travel, travel and more travel.....

Life is going to be pretty busy the next few weeks and into August.

Next week I am in Louisville, KY for the entire week for the Community Anti-Drug Coalitions of America Mid-Year Conference. We are driving there since it is about 5-6 hours from us. It should be fun, I have never been to Louisville, but have heard it is a pretty neat place. Jared will be leaving to go back to Kansas the end of next week (at least, he is planning on it) to see some friends and family and go to the Kraft's wedding reception in Girard. I wish I could go with him, but I am heading the Wichita the next weekend (Aug. 7-10) for my high school reunion.

I have been looking forward and planning to go to the reunion for some time now. I am pretty excited to see everyone and even go back to El Dorado again (I really don't have a reason to go back there when I am back in Kansas). They have a lot of fun things planned: Friday is like a meet and greet at the Mexican restaurant downtown, Saturday they are giving tours of the new high school and Saturday night is dinner, drinks and dancing at the country club. Should be a lot of fun AND I get to see my best pal Sherry and her baby belly (YAY for Jackson Daugherty)!!!

I get back from Wichita and I am in South Bend for one day and then I turn around and fly out to Dallas for the Enforcing Underage Drinking Laws Conference. This conference will be a great time since we are actually taking coalition members with us this time. Plus, I love Dallas! :)

I get back from Dallas on August 15 just in time for Jared and I's 2 year wedding anniversary on the 16th. We have been together so long (8years) it is hard to believe we have only been married 2 years. But my how these 2 years have seen a lot of changes for us. Not sure what our plans are for that day, I will probably be exhausted, haha. We originally wanted to go up to Traverse City for a weekend, but not sure if the budget will allow for that anymore. Oh well, I am sure we will do something even if it is just dinner.

That is about it for travel at this time! That is alot and makes me tired thinking about it, but it will be a lot of fun.

Thoughts in my head right now

WARNING: I'm in a strange mood today and more or less just rambling through this blog. So if things don't make sense to you, I am sorry. But it sure make sense to me right now.

Have you ever felt like you need to cry? Have a nice, long and hard cry; but you aren't sure why? Almost like your body just needs a release of emotion from all the stress, excitement, anxiety, fear and other emotions you may be feeling. I have felt like that alot lately, but the tears have yet to flow. I have a feeling when they do, it will be a glorious thing.

I am sooooooo sick of being poor and not being able to have nice things. It is really starting to get to me. I am 28 years old and I live in an apartment with my husband and a roommate... no kids. Yes, I am throwing a pity party for myself. But damn it... it really bothers me sometimes, especially when I see my friends and other people my age that "appear" to have the life I want... house, family, successful career, etc.

For the first time in a long time I feel like I have no idea where my life is headed. Are we happy here? Sometimes. Am I happy in my career? Uh, sometimes. Life is so damn unpredictable and sometimes I like that, but not right now. I want to KNOW what is next for me. What is my next challenge? What is my next big accomplishment, if any? I want to be ready.... no more of this unpredictable stuff. I feel like I have lost control of my destiny and it is a lonely sad feeling.

Have you ever questioned EVERY decision you have ever made and thought, what if? I play the "what if" game all the time, and I know it doesn't do any good. What if I got a different degree in college? What if I didn't move to Indiana? What if I was more athletic in school, would I be overweight today? What if I tried out for American Idol, haha? What if? What if? There are lots of things I think about... life, career, friends, family, loved ones. I know I have to live the life I have been given and that I can't change the past, but I do think about it. Don't get me wrong, my life is not horrible at all! I just think about this stuff cause that is the way I am. But I know I need to just need to focus on the future and making it the best it can be!

I'm sure these feelings will pass... I am a moody girl anyway, so ask me in 2 hours and I will probably be fine, haha. Just needed to put some things out there and make sure I am not the only one who feels extremely inadequate and strangely sad at times.