I just need 10 minutes to vent

Anyone who knows me very well knows that when I am overwhelmed, stressed or something is making me angry I just need time to talk about it and get it out there and then I am better. I will normally say, "I just need 10 minutes to vent and then I will be fine". Misty, my friend from Kansas, knows this all too well when we worked together at Greenbush. I still ask her to lend an ear via the phone when I need to just "talk it out".

Well, blog world. I just need 10 minutes of your cyber space time to vent and throw myself a pity party. You are all invited to attend if you so choose. :)

Why is it that just when Jared and I think we are getting ahead and our finances are improving that something else has to go wrong! First, his truck breaks down, second, my jewelry shows cancel and thirdly, uncle sam decides to take us for all we are worth.

I look around at other people our age and I am filled with jealousy and anger because I just don't understand why we can't just get ahead. It is so unfair, and I know life isn't fair, but this is such complete bullshit. I look around and all my friends own homes (that they actually LIVE in), they have nice furnishings, take awesome vacations, and many of them having babies (something that I yearn for). Then I look at us. We own a home we DON'T live in and can't seem to sell. We have debt we are able to manage, but can't get paid down. Everything we own is a "hand-me-down". We live in an apartment with a roommate, which we love Hicks but would love to have a place of our own. We have a broken vehicle and I have to drive him to work in Elkhart and pick him up everyday until we get a new one. We have to pay over $1,000 in taxes this year because of my contract job over the summer, which has temporarily pushed back our car purchasing adventure. It just isn't fair.

I know, I know.... everyone has their issues and I KNOW it could always be worse. I know some of this we brought on ourselves. We could both be unemployed (thankful we both have jobs), we could be homeless. It could always be worse. But this is my 10 minute pity party so this is how I vent about it.

Jared, bless his heart, has held me together these past few days. When we were sitting at H & R Block staring at the screen that said "you owe..." I was about to lose it. We were aware that working as a contract employee would mean paying those taxes at tax time. We set money aside for this exact reason. However, it wasn't enough and we thought that the money we got back on our other W2s would balance out what we owed and we would get nothing back or get very little back. We never expected THIS to happen. It is a good thing I was showing a loss on Premier Jewelry for last year or we would have been paying upwards of $2,000!!!! I could feel my face getting hot, my hands starting to sweat and my leg shaking. I was panicking. But, Jared (who was just as panicked as I was) sensed that I was on the verge of a breakdown and he held it together for us. He said, "we can do this", "we can make this work", "we will be ok". God, I love that man!

After going through our budget we will be able to make it work. It may be April 13 when we send it off, but we will get it done. Which explains why I am sending this blog from the Jake's Warehouse. Jared needed some help getting ready for a new scanner system and Hicks needs help setting up a new show room. So, here I am... again. But, it is money and every little bit helps so I can't complain. I am also even more motivated to get shows booked that will hold.

I know that God is testing me. I asked him to be with me and help me and I have been trying to control everything again instead of putting it in his hands. I've let Satan come knocking with his pessimistic attitude and I can't let it get to me. I've got to see, believe in and grab a hold of that silver lining because I know it is there somewhere. But, for now... I just needed my 10 minutes to vent. Thanks for listening and I feel a lot better.